Every year golfers await their birthday with a mix of both expectation and trepidation. While your nearest and dearest may well have listened to your sage advice and done their utmost to procure you the jumper, club or golf balls that you desire, there will always be a member of the family who struggles to come up with a present for you. Unfortunately, they then remember you are a keen golfer and find what they believe to be the perfect present...
With that in mind, here are five worst golf gifts you want to avoid in 2012 at least if you wish to preserve your sanity on the golf course.
1. The ‘bargain’ pack of golf balls
There is seldom a more deflating feeling than hearing the distinctive rattle of a box of new golf balls, only to unwrap them and instead of finding a shiny new pack of Titleist Pro V1x’s, you have instead got the bargain basement pack of Domark Go-Furtha! Not only do these golf balls feel like you have hit the Elgin Marbles when you strike them cleanly, they have the aerodynamic properties of a bag of cement.
2. The ‘amusing’ Driver club head cover
Personally, I blame Tiger Woods for this. Ever since he opted to use a tiger driver cover, novelty covers have been all the rage. There are now a wide range of animals you can buy and better still, for those seeking a really quirky birthday purchase to irritate golfers across the globe, you can now buy head covers that chirrup a variety of inane sayings and slogans at you during a round. This is the kind of present that seems hilarious in the shop, but within 3-holes of actual use, is having the battery ripped out and being stuffed into one of the bags copious pockets.
3. Golf clothing
There seems to be an implicit understanding on the behalf of some of the giddiest members of the family that seeing as you enjoy golf, you have an innate desire to wear clothes that even Vivienne Westwood would look at and gravely intone “No, that’s a step too far.” Not everyone who plays golf wants to look like Ian Poulter or John Daly. Yet each year, you’ll unwrap a golf polo shirt, jumper or pair of trousers that would do Rupert Bear proud.
4. The Golf ‘Gadget’
You know the kind of thing, the combined drinks flask, scorecard holder, cigarette lighter and ball marker in one. The blurb usually advertises this item as the next ‘must have item in the world of golf’ and informs the user that ‘never will ball cleaning, replacing missing spikes or repairing divots on the green be so tiresome as this fabulous new tool does it all”. Only it doesn’t and within a week or so it will be at the back of the cupboard with the automatic putting machine, collecting dust and occasionally annoying your partner when they want to spring clean.
5. The “I bought one of these and became a better player than Tiger Woods overnight” golf gift
Almost as bad as someone with no idea of golf buying you a present is another well-meaning amateur hack deciding they have seen enough of your tired attempts of a golf swing and need their help. As you unwrap your strange looking golf gift, a look of bemusement will cross your face and this is where your golf companion will step in. They’ll inform you, at great length, just as to how this item transformed them from a dreadful amateur hacker, into probably the world’s greatest golfer (as yet undiscovered) overnight. Furthermore, using it will not only shave shots from your game, you’ll also lose weight, become four years younger and the opposite sex will no doubt find you incredibly attractive too.
So for all those golfers out there who receive gifts like these for your birthday, you have our sympathies but remember, there is hope.
There is always eBay.
Images by Gorilla Golf Blog©